Find ways - and how?

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Many escorted me minors have, inter alia, the problem of missing security and this especially in the area of ​​their relations, so-called relationship uncertainty. This may have many different reasons: In its development, the conditions have not yet been formed or strengthened enough. There were cracks and separations in the existing relations, crisis, disappointment and much more. As varied as the causes may be, so different are the solutions. But one thing is common to all: a prerequisite for further development in the socio-emotional area is the production of security relationship by a caregiver. After many breakthroughs this is often quite difficult. Children and young people with such experiences it falls usually very difficult to build trust and relationships allow. They often show behaviors which to build even the opposite, make the others not easily a relationship. This creates a circle through which structures and behavior consolidate continues to confirm and often let nothing new. Power struggles happen and ultimately the child gets the label "relationship disturbed", "aggressive" and the like.

How can ways be found here? In my view - and in my experience - are (at least!) Two things needed

  1. Manufacture of commitment
  2. Provide a "no-advance-being accepted"

Both things are connected to each other and without not possible. Liability is required not only in my words and actions, but also in my relationship design. That means for me, "I'll take you to and seriously, just as you are. I'll submit my hand, and I will not retreat ... no matter how you behave."That means for me, to give relationship commitments detached from behavior. That means for me, with a "Yes" answer to the call of "Love me when I least deserve it, because then I need it most" (Ed. Unknown).

This can only happen when I am ready, without a bias to assume the child / young person in turn. I convey to him: "My relationship with you is not dependent on whether you" "are, if you do what I say" loving. That means NOT for me, I accept the behavior, any behavior, any aggression. That means for me is NOT, everything is ok and is already. That means for me is NOT, "leaving things to make there own course" and you can do what you want. Rather it comes to accept the child / young person with his problems (including his aggression belongs). Not make the relationship depends.